Ten things I’ve learned after working for an MD for 10 months.

1)   MDs absolutely LOVE throwing jargons around

Example:

Me: So that mouse died overnight.

Boss: Why? What did you do?

Me: I believe I have accidently punctured some major arteries and it bled to death. The abdominal cavity clearly shows massive blood accumulation.

Boss: “You likely ruptured or lacerated the spleen and the animal exsanguinated” (and I quote)

Me: exsan…what?!?! English please…B****!

Exsanguinated = bled to death.

2)   Inundated – MDs are always inundated.

3)   BSc = imbecile. Ph.D = An incompetent individual that needs to think more like an MD.

4)   They miss a meeting because they’re “inundated”(like sending emails at 2am the night before and oversleeping the next day)…there that word again! You miss a meeting because you have 105 samples and 10 control tubes to process which requires you to work 15 hours straight…..You’re a complete waste of his/her time!

5)   Controls for an experiment….Controls? what controls…you don’t need controls…just do this experiment and give your boss the data! If you really do need one, just copy and paste from your previous ones.

6)   If you find one cell responding to your assay, that is bloody fantastic! Really! It’s fabulous. Apparently one cell represents a minute fraction of that entire population in a body. Clinically, one cells means millions in a body. One cell responding to an assay = fabulous translational study. Seriously, you PhDs out there lay off that Zoloft if your sort only yields 10 cells. That represents a whole lot more! Now start thinking like an MD!

7)   Changing a wash step from 10 minutes to 5 minutes from a protocol printed offline = You have DEVELOPED a new protocol!

8)   Flow Cytometry is voodoo science (term coined by my co-worker)! Ok….don’t mean to be rude to the entire “flow” community but at least in the hands of my boss, I feel so. For those who work on flow cytomery – let’s face it! A gate that is shifted by 1 mm can potentially skew the outcome towards your favor. Someone tell me that this is not voodoo science!

9)   It makes sense to use a rival company’s product when you’re supposedly on the board of advisors of another. Hmmmm…..???

10)  Always, always take notes of everything he/she says. You’ll see why if you do not.